Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again. That's how anxiety feels to me. Have you ever felt like you worth nothing? Being stuck at night with your toughts and being overwhelmed by them? Up to the point you start crying and to be honest, you don't really know why, there's like a million of feelings confusing you. If so, congrats, you are probably as anxious as I am. I say congrats but it's not a good thing, it's the total opposite. It's the worst feeling ever. Today I wanted to talk to you, whoever you are. If you suffer from anxiety, these few words are for you, kindly written from the bottom of my too soft heart:
Hi there,Life ain't always easy, isn't it? Especially when you have this thing, in yourself, called anxiety. This dark side inside you, that make you think you are unworthy, you know what I mean? Yes, if you are reading this article, you do know. I feel for you, I know what it's like to be stuck in your body, with your toughts. I have anxiety, I'm a very anxious person, I'm living in the constant fear of not finding love, of not being good enough to achieve things in my life, being unworthy of those I love. I'm sorry you have to feel like this. You probably feel like shit but the truth is: you are not. You are loved and you are an amazing person. It probably doesn't mean anything coming from a total stranger, I get that. Anxiety may be invisible but you can definitely feel it daily. It's your personal ability of being worried about everything (even the things you simply don't have control over), all the time, overthinking and overanalyzing everything as well, without really being able of controlling it however in order to deal with it, you have to understand it. While the world see you as a negative person, you aren't, you are just hurt by everything around you. You feel empty, sad, you have regrets.One day, you'll feel better. To move on, you need to talk to someone, trust me, it makes all the difference. If you feel the need of crying: cry! I love crying even when I'm hurt. Find yourself some friends who understands you and who cares about you. Someone who's scared to lose you. Someone you can hate everything with (I have one and she's amazing). You have to be surrounded because anxiety isn't like having the flu, it doesn't go away by itself. If you are like me, you know you'll never hurt yourself and that's a good thing. But if you feel like you need help: go get it, please. Don't hurt yourself. Your life matters, EVERY LIFE MATTERS. Even if you don't feel good, you feel like it will never stop and you don't see yourself the way others do. I know I don't, I have a serious lack of self confidence and self love.
Who am I to talk about this when I'm struggling myself? Well, I'm someone who really needs to hear and say these words. Someone who still have a part of hope, even if it's so small you barely could see it. Because I know what it's like not to belong somewhere, not to be the right fit, but that's okay. Because everyone is different and everyone is a perfect fit for something. When you are going through a storm, remember that it isn't eternal, it will stop. Find what helps you. Mine is writing. I love to write, this helped me a lot. An makeup. It's my own therapy. Find yours. Even if you are not good at it, do it, be happy. Go outside, dance, scream, go shopping, keep a gratitude journal (I do it, I love it). Fake it until you make it. You'll be fine, I promise. And we don't know each other but I love you even if you don't, okay? I believe in you. I know you're going to make it. Keep going, you'll be just fine. Please, don't let anxiety define you, YOU define yourself. You are more than that. You are not alone.
On a personal note: I started therapy for my anxiety. Workshop and group therapy at first and then we'll see if a one-to-one therapy is needed or not. I'm lucky to be able to do it because I felt the need of doing it, I need to beat it before it beats me completely. It took me year, it took me severe panic attacks to think about having control over my life. What a journey to get through this. I started a gratitude journal a week ago and I'm already feeling a bit better. Meditation helped me a lot as well the past year. I'm having a better sleep, which I didn't before. Baby steps, it won't help to rush things anyway. Take care babes!
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